All Of This
by Tanta Green
Summary: Set during and after Jak 3. Torn's in love with Jak, but Jak finds himself pushing Torn away for his own safety. JakxTorn complete
1. Chapter 1

AN: It's Torn. It's Jak. It's yaoi (if you couldn't tell that by the summary.) If you're stupid enough to continue to read this after I've warned you twice, and then proceed to flame me because of the pairing then I will have a good laugh at your expense. This story was inspired by Blink 182's song 'All of This', but is not a songfic. Oh yeah, and there's spoilers for the third game in here.

Disclaimer: You will note that this is published on a _fan_fiction site, meaning I am a fan and do not own anything to do with Jak and Daxter. If i did, it wouldn't be Ashelin Jak kissed at the end of Jak 3.

**All Of This**

**Chapter One**

There were cuts and bruises all over his hands and face. A drop of blood trickled down from a rather large cut on his forehead, and he brushed it off angrily.

_You've been through worse than this before_, Jak told himself, but it didn't cheer him up in the slightest.

The journey back into Haven City had been far more difficult than Jak had expected. Of course, no-one could have guessed that he would have needed to face a Precursor robot before he could get back into the city walls.

Now, all Jak really wanted was somewhere that he could rest without fear that he would be killed by metalheads or KG robots while he slept, preferably curled up beside someone who wasn't Daxter. He cared for his ottsel friend more than anyone else in the world, but was too tired to appreciate Daxter's seemingly never-ending supply of humorous nicknames and innuendos.

He knew, however, that another person's love and comfort was one thing he would never be able to receive. He, who had killed hundreds and injured or traumatised thousands more; he, who had become both saviour and destroyer, both angel and demon; he, who was both cursed and gifted because of the dark one inside him, knew that he would never be able to find love.

When Keira had first seen Jak's darker form she had screamed, and while after she recovered from the shock she had promised Jak he would always have her friendship, he knew Keira was no longer romantically interested in him.

It wasn't just people's reaction to him either that forced Jak to realise that he would be alone forever. He'd lost count of the amount of innocent civilians he had accidentally killed when he let his darker self take over, and there had been that one time when he had wounded Sig so badly…

Jak shook that depressing thought away. That was one mission he didn't want to relive.

Perhaps, with his new light self balancing the darker one however… Jak stopped that thought from going any further. It was best not to get his hopes up.

Jak's heart skipped a beat as he caught sight of a familiar looking structure. Hidden behind an old piece of wreckage was a blue question mark. Jak smiled and approached it casually.

"Ya don't think," Daxter began. "Na. There's no way the tattooed wonder would still be setting up these things for you… is there?"

Jak shrugged. "It's worth a try."

"But you were just complaining you were tired!"

Jak smiled as he remembered the 'tattooed wonder' Daxter had mentioned, deliberately ignoring the ottsel in the process. Torn, one of the key figures of the old rebellion, was one of the first people Jak had met here in Haven City, yet he still couldn't tell whether or not the dreadlocked and tattooed man considered him a friend.

Either way, it seemed that one of Torn's favourite pastimes was to set challenges for Jak, usually to test Jak's speed or knowledge of the city. The challenges had originally been part of Jak's training in the rebellion. They had still continued after the rebellion was long over, however, Torn saying that it kept both Jak and the Krimzon Guard from getting out of practise.

Jak wasn't really expecting the challenge to activate when he stepped up to it, but sure enough, Torn's familiar voice came from the speakers, perhaps a little more bitter than Jak remembered it, but nevertheless, it was Torn's voice.

"Jak," the (for once) pre-recorded voice greeted him. "Get to this spot before time runs out and I'll be impressed."

Jak smiled at the familiarity of the situation as he was shown a place somewhere nearby; before he ran off as fast as his legs could carry him.

The city had changed a lot in the few weeks Jak had spent in the wasteland, but not so much that he didn't have at least a general idea of where Torn would have hidden the orb. There was also the fact that Jak had never failed at one of Torn's challenges before, and he had no plans to start now.

He spotted a flash of bright orange to his left, and picked up his pace. He jumped up; grabbed hold of the ledge the orb was sitting on and pulled himself up, touching the orb just in time. This orb was only an illusion, but a handful of real orbs swiftly transferred themselves from Torn's account to his own, as a sort of congratulations on rising to the challenge, and Torn's voice erupted from the speakers once more.

There was always some sort of congratulations from Torn, or more recently compliments, and on one occasion nothing but a breathy 'Jak' which the blonde didn't know what to make of. Nothing, however, had been quite as bitter as the pre-recorded message that played now. Then again, Jak realised, he couldn't remember a time when it hadn't been Torn himself congratulating him, rather than this pre-recorded voice.

"I lied," Torn hissed over the speakers. "I'm not impressed. Then again, I'm a tough audience."

Jak supposed the last sentence made up for the harshness of the rest of it, or would have if it hadn't been dripping with so much spite, and, Jak cringed as he realised his next thought, what could possibly be hatred.

Then again, what had he been expecting from Torn? A warm welcome?

"Hey look!" Daxter suddenly announced, pointing over in the direction of a large blue barrier. "It's Samos and Keira!"

Jak attempted to smile, an act which he had never found easy, and tried to forget about Torn's welcome, if it could be called that.

* * *

"I'm telling ya! I could blow those Krimzon death bots to pieces if I had the right equipment," Jinx concluded, waiting for Torn to give some sort of sign that he had been listening.

Torn simply frowned, and wrote something down on the map in front of him.

"Sure would have been easier if we had Blondie back," Jinx thought aloud, hoping to pry the commander from the unapproachable mood he had been in lately. He wasn't expecting such an obvious reaction as he received.

"Damn it Jinx!" Torn yelled. "I don't want to hear about Jak, do you understand?" Jinx was a little surprised. Torn never showed any emotion apart from a cold, calculating indifference which sometimes stretched into anger, but never had he see Torn so obviously upset, or his emotions so easy to read.

"Just…" Torn sighed, and for a moment, Jinx thought he saw something close to defeat pass over the tattooed elf's features. "Go blow something up, would you?"

Jinx didn't often like to think too much. He left that to other people, preferring to get straight to the action, but as he exited the Naughty Ottsel, also known as the city defences' current headquarters, he found himself thinking about Torn's reaction when he had mentioned Jak. It meant… something. He was sure of it. He would have to find out what that something was later.

* * *

Torn paced backwards and forwards across the room, slightly annoyed at himself for yelling at Jinx. He found he was getting annoyed at a lot of things recently, and unfortunately he knew why, and it wasn't just the stress of the war getting to him, or his semi-recent break-up with Ashelin.

He pulled a small communicator out of his pocket and gazed at the blank screen forlornly. The small part of him that clung to hope told him to turn the communicator on, for that one-in-a-million chance that he would be able to loose himself in watching Jak run around the city, if only for a couple of moments.

He wasn't too sure when it was that he had fallen in love with the younger elf, just that it had happened, and what had started out as a way to test Jak's quickly growing skills turned into an excuse for being nice to and rewarding the blonde elf without it seeming suspicious, and on occasion, drooling over him shamelessly. Torn had lost count of the amount of times he had caught himself wishing desperately that he was one of Jak's zoomers.

"No," he told himself. Jak was gone, banished from Haven City. Ashelin had luckily reported that Jak was, the last time she had seen him, alive and, physically at least, perfectly healthy. Torn had debated about going out into the wasteland to check on Jak a couple of times himself, but had a feeling the eighteen-year-old wouldn't be happy to see him.

Torn attempted to put his communicator back down on the table, but found he couldn't do it. Not sure whether or not he should be frustrated with himself or not, Torn flipped his communicator open and pressed the power button.

Hey, a one-in-a-million chance was still a chance, right?

Torn prepared to be disappointed, but sure enough, a little red light appeared on the communicator, signalling that one of the challenges he had set up almost purely for old time's sake had not only been activated, but completed as well.

The chances that someone apart from Jak had found out how to activate the challenge was slim. The chances that someone apart from Jak had actually completed the challenge seemed even less likely than the presence of that little red dot on his communicator.

"Jak," Torn whispered. "You're back."


	2. Chapter 2

**AN:** Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I'm glad there are some people out there that like this. Just a reminder that this story will eventually be yaoi, and surprise, surprise, I don't own Jak and Daxter. Well that was short and sweet; now on with the story.

**Chapter Two**

"Why are you so moody today Jak?" Daxter asked, momentarily distracting Jak enough that the side of the zoomer they were riding scraped against a piece of rubble. "I mean, Samos and Keira apologised, right?"

"Yeah, but Torn hates me," Jak said.

"Two out of three ain't that bad Jak."

"I'm just tired I guess," Jak admitted.

"Well, home's not far from here," Daxter put in. "Ah… The Naughty Ottsel… Tess… the alcohol. How I've missed them. Well, a couple of them anyway."

* * *

Torn found he was pacing the room again. He had tried to stop wondering when he would see Jak again, but couldn't help it.

Daxter owned the Naughty Ottsel, right? Which made it the closest thing Jak had to a home, right? Which meant that they would return here soon, right? Torn hoped so. The soles of his shoes depended on it.

Torn pulled one of the maps off the wall and sat down, attempting to amuse himself by planning some more challenges for Jak, all the while wondering how much help he would be willing to give the city in the current war. After all, Jak wasn't just ridiculously attractive. He was also, and probably more importantly, extremely dangerous and an expert at giving the enemy hell.

A voice outside the door brought Torn back to present. Maybe it was just hope warping his sense of hearing a little, but the voice sounded like Daxter. It would have to be the first time Torn had _ever_ been happy to hear the ottsel's voice.

"Honey, I'm home!" Daxter chimed as the door slid open. Torn had to smirk. Daxter was, of course, expecting Tess. However, the curvaceous blonde was out working in the gun course, and Daxter was in for one hell of a surprise.

Torn tried to think of some sort of smart retort to give the ottsel, but Daxter was followed into the Naughty Ottsel by his partner in crime, Jak, and every ounce of wit Torn had ever thought he possessed disappeared in one swift second.

"Jak," he said, swinging around in his chair to face the blonde. "I never thought I'd see you again."

He made sure to smile at the younger elf, but his smile faltered for a moment when he took in Jak's appearance. Jak looked exhausted. In the six months Jak had spent outside the city walls he seemed to have aged many years. Gone was the energetic hero he remembered. Instead there was a cold, broken glare in his eyes that filled Torn with an almost irresistible urge to hold the eighteen-year-old and tell him that everything was going to be all right, even if he himself didn't believe that.

"Torn!" Daxter screeched before Jak had time to return Torn's welcome. "What are you doing to my place?"

Torn glanced around at the weapons and supplies that littered the room.

"We needed a Southern HQ for the war," he explained. Daxter still didn't seem happy. All right, Torn thought. Now it was time for the witty retort. "Plus," he added, making sure he kept his facial features completely emotionless. "I kinda like the ottsel head outside."

"Yeah," Daxter agreed, a proud smirk warping his face. "It's cool, huh?"

"We use it for target practise," Torn joked, satisfied when Daxter's expression turned to one of horror.

Torn glanced back to Jak, but the young elf hadn't even so much as grinned at his friends' interactions. It was then Torn remembered the pre-recorded message he had left on the orb challenge. It had been created in a time when he had been consumed by despair; the last desperate act of a man that wanted to prove to himself, and the world in general, that he still had hope. The message itself hadn't therefore, been the most welcoming one he had ever recorded. In fact, it had been almost bitter. Torn felt a pang of guilt, and silently hoped Jak hadn't taken the message to heart.

"Listen. I'm sorry I couldn't stop Veger," Torn said. "We all are."

"We just saw Veger," Jak said, not even taking a moment to accept Torn's apology. "He's trying to use Precursor technology for something."

Jak always did want to skip straight to the point, Torn remembered. Fine, if that was the way Jak wanted to go about this, then that was how they would go about it. They would immediately return to the old way of doing things, both pretending that nothing had changed since the last time they had talked to one another.

"Figures," Torn said. "That guy always was one monk short of a choir. We have bigger problems now. Veger sent me on a suicide attack in the Port. Now we can't get back to Freedom HQ. Our forces are divided and the KG and Metal Head fronts are squeezing us from both sides," Torn concluded, giving Jak a quick update on their current position in the war.

"Never fear!" Daxter chimed. "The trouble twins are here!"

A beeping noise on the communications panel brought Torn's attention back to what Jinx had told him earlier. Sure enough, the explosions expert had discovered the locations of the Blast Bots and was feeding them back to the Naughty Ottsel.

"Uh oh," Torn said as he caught sight of at least three red dots as they appeared on the map. "Speaking of trouble, we've got incoming Blast Bots from the KG city section. They're heading this way. Can you handle it Jak?"

Torn felt reluctant to demand something from Jak so quickly, but he knew there weren't many people in the resistance that could take down one Blast Bot in time, let alone three, and Jak did seem eager to get back into it.

"Okay, so we've got a little fear," Daxter answered, edging away from the conversation. "But Jak is here."

Jak ignored his friend's answer and gave Torn a slight nod. "I'll do it."

* * *

Two weeks passed, and Torn was surprised by how quickly Jak accepted his role in the war, taking every new mission Torn found for him, in some cases smiling at the chance to get back out into the action, and always completing missions quicker than Torn would have thought possible. Jak slept at the Naughty Ottsel in a room just across from the one Torn had claimed as his own. Torn knew that their new proximity to one another would either bring them closer together, or drive them apart.

Torn had never thought to question Jak's sleeping arrangements before. While they had been working together to liberate the city Jak had chosen to sleep at the bunks in Torn's house perhaps once a week. Torn had a sneaking suspicion that the other nights were spent outside the city walls. He was glad that he and Jak would be staying under the same roof now. He felt safer somehow knowing that Jak was so close.

Of course, the war still raged on, but that didn't mean that there wasn't time for some fun. Torn returned to creating more challenges for Jak, although he didn't have enough time to make them as difficult as he used to. Perhaps that wasn't such a bad thing though, he decided as he complimented Jak on his latest success. He was loosing orbs at a frantic rate, but it was worth it to see Jak smile, if only for a moment.

And so, the war raged on. The neon sign outside the Naughty Ottsel was, shall we say, redesigned, Jak had quite willingly been put on the frontline several times, and Torn was wondering how many more times Jak was planning on cutting it so close that it almost killed Torn. The older elf wasn't so sure how much more of it he could take before he finally died of a heart attack.

Of course, Torn had his own missions and problems to attend to, and while he came out with more scars and fewer men each time, somehow the consensus came to be that they were winning.

* * *

Jak stumbled downstairs with Daxter on his shoulder one morning to discover Jinx and Torn in some sort of lively conversation. He ignored the two for the time being, grabbed what would have to pass as breakfast, and downed it before either of them really noticed he was there.

"Morning Jak," Torn said, bringing his conversation with Jinx to a halt as soon as he noticed the blonde was in the room. He smiled warmly at Jak, and Jak attempted, not totally unsuccessfully to return the gesture.

Torn and Jinx continued to talk for a couple more minutes, before Jinx disappeared in one of the back rooms and Torn decided to join Jak.

"Sleep well?" Torn asked. He received no reply from Jak other than a small frown.

"Apparently not," Torn frowned. "Are you okay Jak?"

"I'm fine," Jak said, shrugging away Torn's concern. "It's just nightmares."

Torn thought that would be all he heard on the topic, but after a couple of moments, Jak continued.

"I used to get them a lot right after I broke out of the Barron's prison. I didn't like to sleep much back then. They faded for a while, when I was in the desert, but they're back again now."

"Jak?" Daxter asked, his voice lacking its usual spark. Torn realised it was the first time he had ever seen Daxter acting at all seriously. "Why didn't you tell me about this?"

"What's there to tell?" Jak said.

"What you just told him for a start!"

Torn left Jak and Daxter to their debate. He soon realised that this was the first time he had ever seen the two of them fight, though it no doubt happened more often than he had previously thought. Jinx re-emerged from the back rooms of the Naughty Ottsel and when some sort of peace had eventually been reached between Jak and Daxter, Torn chose this as his moment.

"We may have a way to reach Freedom HQ," Torn said as he approached Jak. "Jinx here has a plan."

"Hey Jakey boy. Long time no see," Jinx said, lighting a cigar as he spoke. "I think we've got a boomer of a plan here. You know those nasty Blast Bots you've seen around?"

Of course Jak knew them. He knew them only too well.

"Well I captured one," Jinx continued, totally ignoring the fact that Jak was anything but impressed. "Don't ask how. I'll show you the scars later." Jak rolled his eyes at Jinx. In the background, Torn couldn't help but smile.

"I've rigged that baby with a remote control, and even more explosives than the standard package."

Torn watched every small movement on Jak's face; every twitch, half-smile and raised eyebrow. It all added up to one thing; Jak was getting very sick of talking to Jinx. He decided it was time he stepped in and finished the explanations himself.

"Jak, link into that remote and direct that Blast Bot into the KG area," Torn saw Jak's eyes light up as he realised where this was going. "If you can get the Blast Bot close enough to the Freedom League border and blow it up, it should punch a hole in the defensive line there and allow us to hook up with our comrades."

Jak took the remote from Torn wordlessly, and it seemed, knew how to work it almost instinctively. Torn punched a few buttons on the communications panel, bringing up a hologram of the Blast Bot Jak was controlling and its immediate environment.

"So Torn," Jinx said, sidling up to the ex-KG commander. "I heard that Peacemaker you ordered came in this morning."

"I've got more important things to do than talk to you right now Jinx!" Torn snapped, tapping away. "Jak," Torn told the younger elf. "You've got a few of the enemy's Blast Bots heading towards ours. I count at least four!"

Jak didn't say anything, too focussed on the actual control of said Blast Bot.

"Don't think blondie's listening," Jinx commented.

"Go Jak. Go!" Daxter cheered from on his friend's shoulder.

Of course, Jak didn't respond to Daxter either, and the Naughty Ottsel plunged into silence. Jak focussed on the mission, Torn checked the holograph, glancing back at Jak every few seconds. Daxter and Jinx looked backwards and forwards between the two, feeling rather left out, until a large explosion was heard, and the holograph dissipated.

"Too easy," Jak smirked, placing the remote back down on the bar.

"Great job!" Torn told Jak. "We can link up with the northern front now. I'll get on the horn to HQ and give 'em the good news." Torn jumped over the bar as he said this, and reached under the bar.

It was here somewhere, Torn knew. What he didn't know was what had suddenly possessed him to pass on the brand new, and for that matter, only Peacemaker that he owned, to Jak. Who the hell cared? Jak smiled as he caught sight of the Peacemaker modification in Torn's hand, and that was enough.

"You're the man Jak," Torn said, grinning from ear to ear. "YOU are the man!"

"Torn…" Jak said, apparently lost for words as he gazed down at the gift in his hands. "Thank you," he finally settled on after many seconds of silence.

"Hey man, you earned it," Torn replied. "Now get over to HQ and see how things are in the south end of the city."

Jinx watched Torn as Jak left the Naughty Ottsel. Not even a blind Lurker could have missed the grin on the man's face as he stared after Jak.

"What was that about?" Jinx asked once he knew Jak would be well outside hearing range.

Torn just stared at him blankly in response.

"You just gave him your Peacemaker!" Jinx protested. "That's a pretty fine piece of equipment to just be giving away."

"He needs it more than I do," Torn said, quick to find a reason to cover up what he was beginning to realise could be seen as quite an obvious display of affection. "Besides, he deserves it for the amount of times he's saved our asses."

"Torn," Jinx smirked. "Did you realise you're blushing?"

"I am not!" Torn snapped.

"Right," Jinx said, taking a puff from his cigar. Suddenly, it all fell into place. The amount of time Torn seemed to devote to making up almost totally pointless missions for Jak, the way he stared while watching Jak complete said missions, and the reason why he was blushing right now…

"You're in love with blondie, aren't ya?" Jinx laughed.

"Of course not," Torn answered. "He's just a good friend."

"Okay," Jinx shrugged. "Then you won't mind if I take him, then?"

The death stare Torn sent Jinx was answer enough. Jinx began laughing again, and Torn realised it was a trick.

"If you dare tell Jak about this I will make your life a living hell," Torn told the other man.

"Don't worry," Jinx told Torn. "I'm not going to tell Jak."

For some reason, Torn thought Jinx wasn't telling him something.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN**: This story is creating itself quicker than I would have thought possible. To Sabulana, I would absolutely _love_ it if you decided to draw that scene. I really would.

Once again, a huge thanks to everyone that has reviewed. I love you all.

And just in case you've forgotten, I don't own any of the characters in this story. If I did, it wouldn't be Ashelin that Jak kissed.

**Chapter Three**

Torn should have been ecstatic that Jak had found them a way to get back to Freedom headquarters, and he was for the most part, until he realised it meant that he had no logical reason to stay at the Naughty Ottsel anymore.

HQ had of course been delighted that they would now undoubtedly have Jak at their beck and call. Torn supposed HQ now included him as well, but was a small consolation.

He put off the actual move for as long as possible, somehow managing to convince himself that he was needed more here, to co-ordinate the war in the southern part of the city, but that lie could only last for so long.

A day came when Torn finally gave in to the inevitable, and began to pack what few personal items he had at the Naughty Ottsel into a tiny box, telling himself that if he didn't do it now, he never would. He spent most of the afternoon standing in the doorway, gazing forlornly over at the door to Jak's room.

He wondered, not for the first time, what he would find if he dared to enter the sacred domain that was the blonde's room. This, he realised, would probably be his final chance.

Where was the harm in it? Jak was off at Freedom HQ and would never know he had been there.

Torn hesitated as his hand hovered over the door handle, knowing that there was something inherently wrong about what he was going to do. He then took a deep breath, turned the handle, and stepped inside.

* * *

Jak knew he was stubborn. It was one of his inherent flaws, and without it he just wouldn't be Jak, but he did take a moment to wonder if perhaps this would be taking it too far. A city could be saved with stubbornness, a journey completed, but he was fairly sure that stubbornness alone could not win a woman's heart. Surely it was worth a try though.

"Jak!" Keira objected as he led her to a more secluded part of the palace. "You said you had something to show me; now show me already!"

"All right," Jak said, figuring that here was as good a place as any. He let white eco flow through his veins, letting it take over his entire being, and began to hope.

Seem had stared at his light eco form in awe for a good two minutes when he had first seen it, a strange sort of smile settling on the monk's face that made Jak wonder if the boy was going to pounce on him. Sig had rattled off a thousand questions in under a minute, concluding by asking if he could touch Jak's wings. Maybe, just maybe, light Jak could win Keira over as well.

Jak felt the transformation complete itself as his wings sprouted from his back. He blinked a couple of times, adjusting to the new way of seeing he received while in his light form, which left smudges of light and dark spattered over his view of the world.

Jak silently begged for Keira to ask if she could touch his wings, but instead she stood back as if she was surveying a possible new zoomer or jetboard. Jak stared at her hopefully, wondering if his expression would be able to say what he couldn't right now.

_Please like it. Please… love me._

"Jak," Keira sighed. "I'm supposed to be impressed, aren't I? I'm sorry Jak, but I've already heard all about this. I figured I'd see it for myself sooner or later. Jak, if this is another attempt to make me fall in love with you, then it's not going to work. Are you even listening to me?"

Jak nodded mutely. He was listening to every word Keira said, even though every single word cut him like a knife.

"You need to get over me and on with your life. I've changed. So have you. It just wasn't meant to be."

_How can you say that? After all we've been through, how can you?_

Somehow, if Keira accepted him then everything would be all right. If Keira accepted him then somehow the darkness would be kept at bay, and yet, Keira hadn't accepted him.

Jak felt the light eco drain from his body, and felt his wings shrink back into his body, leaving nothing but the feeling of being cold and alone once more.

"Isn't there some chance?" Jak asked now that he had the ability to speak once more.

"No Jak," Keira said, shaking her head. "There's not."

Pain filled him, and for a moment he had to focus entirely on keeping his darker self at bay. If he wasn't careful then he knew it would burst out uncontrolled, and then who knew what would happen.

He remembered the one time it had happened while he had been out in the desert with Sig. A group of Marauders had attacked from nowhere, and his darker self had burst out then, destroying nearly everything around him, making him forget Sig was nearby in the process. He remembered the blood; there had been so much of it, and if they hadn't been so close to a shelter then Sig probably would have died.

The memory was a painful one, and for a moment Jak thought he heard a familiar voice taunting him once more.

…_you'll be a monster…never able to love again…all alone…_

This last memory was too much, and the damn burst. With a scream Jak transformed into his darker form and within seconds had Keira in his clawed hands.

"No…" he hissed. There was blood running down Keira's arms from Jak's claws. "If you won't love me…"

He raised one of his arms up to strike Keira.

_No,_ part of Jak thought. _I can't hurt Keira._

_Why not?_ A voice that was both his own and yet not him responded. _She hurt you._

_I can't…_

Keira stared up at Jak, the fear evident in her eyes.

_I can't…_

"Jak?" she pleaded.

"I CAN'T!" Jak screamed, transforming back to his normal self, the shock of the transformation making him stumble back a few steps away from Keira.

For a moment the two stood there, staring at one another in shock and fear. Jak caught sight of the blood still running down Keira's arms and shuddered.

_What have I done?_

He stumbled back a couple of steps, before turning around and running from the frightened Keira as fast as his legs could carry him. He ran through the palace, past faces that became a blur.

"Jak?" Ashelin asked in concern as he ran past her to the elevator. "Jak, what happened?"

Jak continued to run past Daxter and Pecker, engaged in one of their usual fights, and out of the palace.

"Jak?" Daxter called after him. "Jak! Wait up!"

Jak didn't know where he was running; just that he had to run. He needed to be somewhere safe; somewhere warm; some place where he didn't feel as though Keira hated him. He needed to be in the closest place to a home that he had.

* * *

Torn looked around the room, surprised at how tidy it was. He had expected a complete mess from the blonde. Then again, Jak didn't exactly spend much waking time here, and probably didn't have enough time to make a mess.

The bed was still unmade, and from the looks of things, Jak was a restless sleeper. At the foot of the bed was a small pile of sheets that Torn supposed must serve as Daxter's bedding.

Torn lay down on the bed, burying his face into one of Jak's lumpy pillows and breathing in his scent. It smelled like ottsel, and eco, and gunpowder, none of which would normally appeal to Torn, but mixed in with them was something else; something which was uniquely Jak and which sent shivers up and down Torn's spine.

Oh yes, there was definitely something about what he was doing that Torn knew was wrong, but he couldn't help it. The smell was intoxicating.

He pulled himself away from Jak's bed, even though he was extremely reluctant to do so, and took another look around the room. Jak only had a few personal belongings, all of which stood on an old makeshift shelf constructed from a couple of used crates topped by an old sheet of steel. There were a few spare gun parts, a couple of small boxes of eco that Jak must have been saving for a rainy day, and a few old gate passes.

What attracted Torn's eye however, was an old photo that Jak had propped against the wall. Jak and Keira had their arms flung over each other's shoulders. Both were smiling widely, and even though the picture had been taken only a few years ago, probably during the middle of the war against Kor, there was a look on Jak's face that Torn had never seen before. Jak looked completely and utterly at peace, as if none of the horrors Torn knew he had endured had ever occurred.

Torn picked the photo up, running a finger lovingly over Jak's figure in the photo.

_What I wouldn't do to find that exact same look directed at me, _Torn thought sadly.

"Torn?"

The brunette whirled around to find Jak standing in the doorway. When had he gotten back, and probably more importantly, how much had he seen? The blonde looked shocked, panic-stricken, but above all things, as though he had been betrayed. Torn realised guiltily that in a way he had been.

"Jak," Torn hesitated, putting the photo back down on the desk. "Jak, I'm…"

But Jak was gone before Torn could finish apologising.

"Jak!" Torn called out, racing after him.

* * *

There had only been a little anger inside when he had seen Torn, but even that was a little too much. He had almost killed Keira; he didn't want Torn to appear on his list of victims as well.

He had to leave just in case Dark came out again. He continued to run, heedless of the other man's screams behind him. He needed his light form again; needed the comfort and protection it gave him, even if it hadn't proven his worth to Keira. He pulled deep inside himself, searching for even a small trace of white eco, and found it.

His wings grew, just as he reached the end of the path, and jumped over the water. He flew over the harbour, going higher, and higher, away from anything and anyone that he could harm.

* * *

Torn stopped as Jak jumped over the wall and into the harbour. He couldn't help but stare as Jak's wings sprouted from his back and he took to the air.

Torn had heard a couple of the stories, and knew now that they didn't do justice to Jak's newest form. How could words describe anything as beautiful as this?

And yet somehow he had managed to hurt this splendid creature. Guilt tore at Torn's gut like a knife as he watched Jak fly away.

"Jak?" a voice somewhere near ground level said.

Torn looked down to see Daxter, staring after his friend in a similar fashion as Torn, though perhaps not with so much awe and fascination. A few metres away lay a badly dinted and now smoking zoomer. Torn didn't even want to think about how much damage Daxter must have caused by driving that thing himself.

"Maybe we should leave him alone for a while," Torn suggested.

"You're right," Daxter sighed, seemingly out of smart comments for once. "I'm gonna go see Tess," he said, though his heart didn't sound in it. "I'll see you… soon."

"Right," Torn answered, keeping his eyes fixed on a small figure of blue and white light in the distance.

* * *

Jak had found a ledge so high up that no-one would be able to reach him. He sat there for a long while, not doing anything except staring down at the city below and thinking, and wishing he wasn't what he was.

He didn't know how long he had been up there. Maybe it had been two hours, maybe three, or possibly an entire day, before his communicator sprang to life, jumping out of his pocket and hovering near his ear.

"Jak," Torn's voice crackled over the speakers. "I'm sorry. Could you please come down now?"

There was a strong pleading in Torn's voice that Jak almost couldn't ignore. Almost. He looked away from the communicator, turning his wing-covered back on the man he knew was watching him.

"Jak, please," Torn spoke again. Jak looked over at the Naughty Ottsel, and sure enough, Torn had not budged from his watchful position in front of the night club. "It's beginning to rain."

And sure enough it was. The tiny droplets seemed to dissolve before they hit his skin however, yet another of his light form's little tricks, Jak surmised.

"Jak?" Torn pleaded.

Jak turned and stared at the communicator, knowing that Torn would be able to see the look he was being sent.

_You should go back inside Torn. Don't worry too much about me. Please don't worry about me._

"Jak, I'm sorry," Torn repeated. "Please just come back down here. Daxter's worried about you."

_Of course Daxter's worried, but not so much that he'd be foolish enough to stand out in the rain like you are._

"I'm …" Torn hesitated, as though admitting the next part would prove, once and for all, that he wasn't as tough and unapproachable as he had tried hard to be. "...worried about you. Please Jak."

There was something so very wrong about the ex-KG commander pleading that almost made Jak want to cry. The very fact that Torn had actually admitted that he was worried about Jak changed the complicated and unclear image Jak had of the other man in his head in such a subtle, yet blindingly wonderful, and at the same time, deathly painful way that for once, Jak's stubbornness didn't hold out.

He would not cry though, and not only because Light Jak couldn't cry. He hadn't cried in years, and this was no reason to start now, but there was a massive knot in his stomach that just seemed to have been growing slowly since his earlier encounter with Keira, and Torn's concern seemed to triple its size. Jak knew that the only way to release it would be through tears.

He slowly stood up, stretched out his wings and stared at the communicator.

_Fine. You win.

* * *

_

Torn brushed as much water as possible off his face, allowing him to watch Jak without the droplets of water blurring his vision. The blonde landed right in front of him, stumbling forwards as his wings disappeared once more.

Torn had expected some sort of outrage or anger, or at least protest against his secret investigation of Jak's room, but instead Jak stumbled the remaining few steps towards Torn and collapsed against him.

"Jak?" Torn queried as he felt Jak's hands twist and grip at the fabric of his clothing. Jak's head moved to rest against Torn's shoulder, and Torn realised that the younger elf was sobbing.

"Jak, what…?" Torn meant to say something, but the words fell away before they could reach his mouth.

Torn had never been good at comforting people. He had a feeling it was one of the reasons his relationship with Ashelin had fallen apart, but even still, he could try. He wrapped his rain-soaked arms around Jak and pulled him closer, letting the younger elf cry against his shoulder.

He had never seen Jak cry before, Torn realised, and he wondered how long Jak had been keeping this bottled up inside. There were tears there for innocence lost, for friends gone and forgotten, and for a million words never spoken.

Jak's tears mixed with the rain, until Torn wasn't really sure what liquid was wetting him where. The rain stopped after a short while, and the sun peeked out from behind a cloud, but Jak's tears did not cease.

"It's all right," Torn whispered, rubbing hesitantly at Jak's back, although he wasn't completely sure why he was comforting the other man. "It's going to be okay Jak," Torn insisted.

"No it's not," Jak argued between sobs. "Because I'm not… I can't…" Torn wasn't sure what Jak was talking about, but knew it must have been something that had been troubling Jak for a while.

"And Sig… and Daxter… and now even Keira…" Jak sobbed. "I could have hurt you too."

"I'm sorry about going into your room earlier," Torn blurted out, figuring now was as good a time as any.

"You could have just asked me." Torn was happy to note that Jak smiled as he said this.

"Would you have said 'yes' though?" Torn asked, trying to keep the conversation revolving around something that seemed to have a positive effect on the other elf.

Jak stayed silent, and Torn figured that meant he didn't know the answer.

"My room isn't really that interesting though," Jak eventually commented. The tears were now gone completely.

"You're right," Torn admitted, secretly thinking that it was a lot more interesting than Jak gave it credit for. "But I was curious."

Jak smiled again, and even though the tears were gone, they stayed in one another's arms for a while longer, oblivious to the eyes that were now watching them.

* * *

Daxter was shocked. Jak hadn't cried for ages. It had been quite literally years since he had seen the eighteen-year-old shed so much as a tear; since Sandover in fact, yet here he was, bawling like a child in the arms of, of all people, Torn.

Oh well.He shrugged away the thought that something was seriously off here. Stranger things had happened.

* * *

Well, well, well. Jinx grinned as he surveyed the scene in front of him. It looked like Torn had gotten lucky. He had only been witness to the last few seconds of the exchange, but it seemed pretty clear to him what had happened from the enormous grins on both men's faces.

Jinx decided he was happy for the two of them, before deciding that maybe he should leave them in peace.

* * *

Jak silently disentangled himself from Torn's arms, suddenly highly embarrassed that he had broken down in front of Torn. Surely the older man would make fun of him for this later on.

He looked up at Torn's face then, and saw nothing but a kind, understanding smile on his face. Jak returned the smile wholeheartedly, and Torn's stomach did a somersault.

It was exactly the same smile Jak had worn in the photograph with Keira.

Torn quickly decided that he needed to keep an eye on Jak. Moving to Freedom HQ could wait for a while.

* * *

**AN:** Hee hee hee. Silly Jinx, jumping to conclusions. Stay tuned for the next chapter, in which Jinx keeps his promise, Jak attempts to get Torn drunk, and there is at least one kiss. 


	4. Chapter 4

**AN:** Actually, I don't have much to say this time. This chapter has taken a little longer than the others but I hope its length makes up for it.Just a warning; there is alcohol abuse in this chapter.

**Chapter Four**

It was interesting really, how it began.

At least, at the end of it all, Jinx could say he had kept his promise. He did not tell Jak anything.

The mission was crucial, but relatively simple. Torn would fly a ship full of explosives into the Metal Head's main defensive wall. Jinx would fly close behind in case there were any hitches. He was Freedom's best explosives expert after all. Jak would be the gunner in Jinx's ship, seeing as no-one was really sure having weapons on Torn's ship as well as a ridiculous amount of explosives would be a good combination, and no-one seemed to trust Jinx with guns. Sig was coming because… well, no-one was quite sure why exactly Sig was coming on the mission, but he wanted to be a part of it, and no-one was willing to pick a fight with an elf with muscles twice the size of theirs, particularly one that carried the most impressive gun any of them had ever seen. It was when the mission had just started to get underway that Sig leaned over and began talking to Jinx.

"I feel like I should be helping Jak out or something. He hasn't exactly got it easy."

"Don't worry 'bout it," Jinx told Sig, ignoring the actual piloting of the vehicle for long enough that he took a different turn to Torn.

"Dammit Jinx!" Jak screamed from the back of the vehicle. "Where the hell do you think you're going?"

"See what I mean?" Jinx sniggered, taking a path that (he hoped) would lead them back to Torn.

"Not really," Sig answered.

"Really? You mean you haven't noticed?"

"Noticed what?"

"Torn's been in love with Jak for ages!" Jinx said, deliberately exaggerating a little. "And now I'm pretty sure they've got it all worked out."

"You mean…" Sig seemed to pale a little. "Jak and Torn are..."

"Yeah, and I bet blondie's gonna try his hardest to make sure not a single thing hits loverboy's ship."

Sure enough, Jak was paying more attention to protecting Torn's ship than their own.

Sig sat back and thought. Torn and Jak, a couple; well, in a strange sort of way, it did make sense.

* * *

A couple of days later, Sig found himself driving Ashelin out into the desert to look for Jak. They sat and watched together as Jak fought the largest Dark Maker they had ever seen. When the battle was over, Ashelin made her way over to Jak, and with only a second of thought, wrapped her arms around him and placed a passionate kiss onhis mouth. This could cause trouble, Sig thought, imagining how Torn would react if he knew his boyfriend was being kissed by someone else.

Daxter sat at Jak's feet, smiling happily. It was good that Jak was finally letting someone close.

Or not…

Jak pulled away from the kiss quickly, taking a few steps back and away from the woman who had just kissed him. Ashelin looked hurt, and just a little shocked. It was no wonder, Sig thought. You'd have to be crazy to refuse someone as heavenly as Ashelin, unless of course, you had someone else.

So it _was_ true.

A few moments passed, and soon Ashelin was standing by Sig once more. There were a couple of seconds of awkwardness, Ashelin being all too aware that Sig had just seen her attempts to take her relationship with Jak to the next level, Sig trying his hardest to work out the best way to tell Ashelin what he had to. Jak had already fled the scene; rushing back to the city to do whatever itwas that Jak did most of the time.

"I don't know what to say," Ashelin said, breaking the silence. "I guess I'm not used to handling rejection."

"Yeah," Sig replied, knowing he was right now, undoubtedly more lost for words than Ashelin was.

"You know," Sig hesitated; not knowing what would happen if he told Ashelin what he knew. It could make her feel better about being rejected, but who really knew with women. "It's not your fault," he settled for.

"What?"

"Jak rejecting you isn't your fault," Sig explained. "Torn's been in love with chilli pepper for a while from what I've heard, and now they're… you know."

"You mean Torn beat me to him?" Ashelin asked, unable to believe what she was hearing. Well, there were so many shocks she had to deal with over the past few days. What was one more?

It could just be a rumour though, right? There was only one way to know.

* * *

The next couple of days were ridiculously hectic. If Ashelin had thought she had a lot to digest then, she would quickly learn exactly how many shocks she could live with before she had a complete mental break-down. Not only had she kissed a hero, she had kissed the legendary Mar. She didn't even want to think about the Precursors.

Consequently, it was quite a while before she managed to find time to talk with Torn.

Ashelin had always found if difficult to bring up subjects this sensitive, especially with someone she knew was just as closed up as herself when it came to his emotions.

The Naughty Ottsel was packed full of people celebrating that night. Daxter would have undoubtedly been rushed off his feet if he had actually been working, but as it was he was too busy enjoying the wonderful fact that his Tess was now the same species as him, and customers were pretty much left to serve themselves.

Ashelin spared a moment to wonder how it was this place had managed to stay in business for so long.

Jak was nowhere to be seen. He never had been one for parties.

Torn however, had found something which didn't look overly alcoholic, unlike most of the drinks Daxter was guzzling, and a booth that he had shared briefly with Jinx until Torn had obviously lost patience with the other man and demanded he go somewhere else.

Ashelin slid into the seat across from Torn, sending him a half-hearted grin. He smirked rather than smiled, and Ashelin knew it was the closest she would get to a warm welcome.

"Hello Torn," Ashelin said.

The booth was silent for quite a few seconds. Neither of them could find the strength to meet each other's gaze.

It wasn't that their break-up had been a particularly painful one, but there had been a break-up none the less, and that in itself was enough to make the situation incredibly awkward. Take into account what topic Ashelin was about to raise, and Ashelin was feeling just a little bit nervous.

"So," Ashelin paused as she pretended to stare at one of the pictures on the wall. Daxter certainly didhave _interesting_ taste in art, if it could indeed be called art.

"Is it true?" Ashelin finally asked.

"Is what true?"

"About you and Jak."

"What?" Torn shouted. If the bar had been any less packed and therefore quieter, then heads would have undoubtedly turned. As it was, only a couple of people glanced at the booth,before immediately turned back to their initial conversation.

"How did you find out?" Torn asked, lowering his voice back to normal levels. "Jinx didn't tell you, did he? If he did I'm going to kill him."

"No," Ashelin answered. "It wasn't Jinx."

So someone else had somehow discovered his feelings for Jak. This could be bad.

"Is it that obvious?" Torn asked Ashelin, hoping for once that her answer would be no.

Ashelin thought about it for a while. Admittedly she hadn't noticed it until Sig had brought it up, but maybe that was just her own crush on Jak blurring her thoughts. Now that she knew what to look for, all the signs were there. After all, the two men _did_ spend a lot of time together, and…

"Well, you're both still living here, right?" Ashelin mentioned, realising Torn's true reason for not moving to the palace as she spoke. "And you're not exactly doing anything to hide it."

Torn groaned and leaned his head against the table. If what Ashelin had said was true, then it could only be a matter of time before Jak found out, and then… He didn't even want to think about what came after 'and then'.

"You're not denying it then?" Ashelin asked, wanting to make sure that the rumour wasn't only a rumour.

"What's the point?" Torn grumbled.

"Right," Ashelin sighed and stood up from the booth.

"Is that the only reason you wanted to talk to me?" Torn asked, bitterness flowing into his voice.

Ashelin considered apologising for kissing Jak, and then decided it was better if she pretended the kiss never occurred.

"Pretty much," she answered.

"Hmph."

* * *

So, Jak was officially 'off the market' now, was he? It was a depressing thought. Ashelin had thought they had so much in common too, and though she didn't dislike parties quite as much as Jak, she found that right now, she wanted to be any place but the Naughty Ottsel. She needed time to collect her thoughts, mainly the ones that involved Jak.

She only realised she had begun to cry when a couple of passer-bys gave her a sympathetic look. She wiped the tears away in frustration. She was the leader of this city for Precursor's sake. She needed to be stronger than this. Or at least, she needed to appear stronger than this.

She turned into the first door she could find, and as soon as she made sure the room was empty, collapsed on the floor. She took another look around the room through tear-stained eyes and realised how long it had been since she had visited this building. The city's entire power supply was controlled from the vast array of buttons and twinkling gadgetry in front of her, yet no-one at all that she knew of took time to visit this place. It was just as well, she reflected, because it meant there was no-one around to see her cry.

"Wh… what are you doing here?" A slightly whiny voice erupted from nowhere, shattering all thoughts Ashelin had that she was alone.

"Who's there?" she called.

"Sorry," the voice spoke again, and an abnormally large holographic head burst into staticy blue life in front of her.

"It's me, Vin. You probably don't remember me, but then again, does anybody?"

Vin. Yes. Ashelin did remember Vin, even though they had only met a couple of times through the resistance. Anyone this strange was actually quite difficult to forget.

"It's… it's Ashelin, isn't it?" Vin asked. "You see, I'm quite horrible with name, but it is Ashelin, right?"

"Yes Vin, it's Ashelin." The woman couldn't help but smile at Vin. "What happened to you? I thought you were dead."

"Well, technically I'm not alive anymore. I'm a bit brain. You see? Oh, never mind. Every time I try and explain what happened whoever I explain to just looks at me funny. Sweet eco, have you been crying? Oh no; I don't have a clue what to do in these situations. It's just… um…"

"It's okay Vin," Ashelin said. "You're doing fine as it is."

"Really?" Vin's holographic head stopped bouncing around in panic. "Ah…Well… What am I supposed to say next? Did you want me to say anything, like 'what happened' or something like that?"

"What happened?" Ashelin sighed. "You know Jak and Torn, right?"

"Jak and Torn? Sure, although Jak hasn't visited me once, even though he said he would, and Torn probably doesn't even know I exist, but yes; I know them."

"They're together," Ashelin said. When Vin didn't respond at all, she continued. "As in, Jak and Torn are a couple."

"And that's a bad thing? "

"Well, yes," Ashelin said, getting a little impatient. "Because I'm in love with Jak."

"Right. Yeap, I'm getting where you're coming from now. Are you sure they're together?"

"I just got an admission from Torn's own mouth."

"Why don't you try and break them up; convince Jak that you're better than Torn?"

"I can't do that!" Ashelin shouted. "Torn's still my friend, and if he's truly in love with Jak then I should just be happy for them."

"So why the tears?"

So why the tears indeed.As much as she wanted to stop it, another smile broke out on Ashelin's face.

"Thank you Vin," she said, getting to her feet.

If he was human then Ashelin knew she would have kissed him on the cheek. As it was, she wasn't sure whether that would work, so she settled for blowing a kiss as she exited the room.

Sure enough, Vin turned bright red.

* * *

"You can really tear up the concrete on that thing," Torn remarked as Jak skidded to a stop right in front of him.

"It comes with practice," Jak was modest enough to say. He sent a shy smile Torn's way, unaware of the flutters that appeared in Torn's stomach as he did so.

He was spending more and more time with Torn lately. He found that Daxter wanted to spend less time with him now that he had Tess, he couldn't go completely without company, and his friendship with Torn was, he had decided, a safe one. Torn wouldn't upset him and would be able to defend himself in case Jak did loose control, he didn't try to pull him out of his shell like Jinx did, or kiss him like Ashelin, and he never asked for anything that Jak wasn't willing to give.

Yes, Jak decided, spending time with Torn was all right.

There was also the unfortunate, or possibly fortunate (it was hard to tell which) fact that ever since he had broken down in Torn's arms, the older elf had been keeping a close eye on him, meaning that Jak was spending time with Torn whether he wanted it or not.

"So Jak," Torn said after a few moments of companionable silence. "I hear Ashelin kissed you."

Torn would not in a hundred years admit his true motive for asking Jak. If Jak did have something happening with Ashelin… Torn let out an involuntary shudder. It would certainly explain Ashelin's sudden curiosity as to the nature of Torn's feelings for the other man. Your ex-partner going out with the man you had a crush on though; there was something just not right about that potential situation.

Jak blushed as soon as he heard Torn's question; the memory of Ashelin's attempt to further their relationship coming back to him with embarrassing clarity.

"I also heard," Torn continued. "That you weren't too enthusiastic about it."

"I… kinda pushed her away," Jak admitted.

"Pushed her away?" Torn repeated. "Why? And don't say she's not your type man. Ashelin is _everybody's_ type."

"I just can't get into a relationship with her, that's all."

"You can't? If it's because she's my ex, it doesn't matter. I won't hold it against you." Torn wondered for a moment why he wasn't discouraging a relationship between Jak and Ashelin. Oh well, if it made Jak happy then it was worth it.

"It's not that," Jak told Torn.

"What then?"

"I just can't!" Jak shouted. He froze as soon as he realised he was beginning to get angry.

Torn realised his mistake, and searched around quickly for an appropriate subject change.

"I bet you couldn't do that triple back-flip again," he settled on. The look in Jak's eyes immediately changed.

"You're on," he said, whipping out his jetboard.

* * *

Seven hours and three new personal bests later, Jak found himself suddenly very alone. It wasn't a feeling he was particularly used to.

Torn had received a call from Ashelin, who had called him away to the responsibilities being Commander of the city guard left him with, leaving Jak by himself.

Jak found himself wandering aimlessly. He let his feet take him where they would, and he found himself at the door to the city's eco-grid control building.

Jak paused for a moment. Well, he had told Vin he would visit him some time and it wasn't as though he had anything better to be doing.

"Hey Vin," Jak called out as he entered.

"Jak?" the holographic Vin greeted him as soon as the door had shut behind the blonde. "Oh, so now you come and visit me. I suppose you've been too busy with your boyfriend, huh?"

Vin was bitter. Jak wasn't at all used to that. It felt… strange.

Wait a minute! Jak's thoughts caught up with Vin's words.

"What the hell do you mean 'boyfriend'?" Jak asked.

"Torn," Vin said very slowly, as though he was addressing an idiot. "The guy that's in love with you."

"What?" Jak couldn't help but smile. Boy did this guy have his wires crossed if he thought Torn was in love with him.

"Torn isn't in love with me," Jak insisted.

"Um… are you sure, because Ashelin said she heard it from Torn's own mouth… and… uh… this is so confusing!"

"You're telling me." Jak shook his head and began walking out of the building.

"What; you're leaving already?"

"I'm sorry Vin," the blonde said. "I have a lot to think about right now. I promise I'll come visit you some other time.

The door slid shut behind him.

* * *

This could not be happening. Jak would not let it happen. Torn simply couldn't be in love with him.

Then again, he didn't think Vin was the sort to gossip, which meant Torn really had told Ashelin he was in love. Unless of course, Ashelin had made the whole thing up as some sort of twisted way of getting revenge.

No, Jak thought. Ashelin wasn't that sort of person. It was one of the things he liked about her. Which only left one solution; Torn really was in love with him.

Unless Torn had lied to Ashelin.

And why in the name of the Precursors would he do that?

This was so wrong; the one person he had been able to find an innocent sort of comfort in was in love with him. Love, in Jak's experience, could only lead to one outcome; pain. It was the reason he had refused Ashelin. It was the reason he would now refuse Torn.

Yes, Jak decided, having Torn so close to him when the man was in love with him was dangerous. He would not hurt Torn. He could nothurt Torn; which left only one thing to do.

He had to push Torn away. It was for his own safety.

* * *

"So, let me get this straight," Daxter said, for what seemed to Jak to be the tenth time that hour. "Torn, as in the tattooed wonder, as in the guy that has sent you onpotentially suicidal missions more times than I can count, as in the guy that couldn't give a damn about anyone, is in _love_ with _you_?"

"Dax…" a cute blonde ottsel whined from on the bed beside Daxter. "You shouldn't say such mean things about Torn."

Jak ignored Tess for the time being, and continued to pace backwards and forwards across the room.

"That's what I just said," Jak told Daxter.

"I don't believe it," Daxter sighed, flopping back on Jak's bed.

"Neither did I," Jak said. "But he has been strangely nice to me lately. He gave me the Peacemaker, and the challenges are getting easier, and there was that time when he waited for me in the rain for hours."

"He what?" Daxter shrieked.

"Aww… that's so cute," Tess cooed.

"No it's not," Jak snapped. "He shouldn't be in love with me. It's too dangerous."

Daxter jumped up then, a scowl on his face. Daxter was serious, an event which didn't happen too often, and which Jak had learnt to respect.

"Now you listen here Jak," Daxter said. "It may not exactly be the most perfect choice of a girlfriend, but even if it is only Torn, you need to start opening yourself up to someone!"

"I'm being open with you, aren't I?"

"Not like that! I mean, you need a Tess. Or, someone that to you is like Tess to me. You know what I'm saying?" Daxter gestured to his girlfriend, who smiled sweetly.

"Yes Dax, and no, I don't need someone like Tess," Jak sighed. "What I need to do is stop Torn from liking me somehow. I'm going to take him out somewhere tomorrow night. Hopefully he'll get drunk and end up going home with someone that will prove to be better for him than I am."

"Jak," Daxter whined.

"I'm sorry Dax. I know you're upset about what happened with Ashelin, but this is just the way it has to be."

* * *

Jak hadn't expected Torn to give in to his request so quickly. Then again, it made sense if Torn was in love with him, and the more Jak tried to come up with reasons why Torn couldn't possibly be in love with him, the more he realised it was the only possibly explanation for Torn's behaviour of late.

The Naughty Ottsel felt too much like home for either of them to feel like they were going for a night out, so they left it behind, heading to night-spots more interesting and far less familiar.

Torn led Jak to another bar which proved to be much larger and fancier than the Naughty Ottsel. The bar itself curved along the back wall, allowing plenty of room for a dance floor, even though only a handful of the bar's occupants were making use of the space. The interior was dark and softly lit, making it far more seductive than the Naughty Ottsel. It was the perfect place to set Torn up with someone.

Torn himself didn't have a clue why the blonde had suggested they go to a bar, but he wasn't about to refuse Jak anything.

The two men found a couple of seats at the bar and settled in. The bartender, a pretty brunette that looked somewhere between their own ages, shuffled over to them immediately and flashed them a smile to rival Tess's in sweetness.

"What can I get you boys?" she asked them.

_I better keep it simple_, Torn thought. _The last thing I want to do is get drunk while I'm around Jak. I might do something I'll regret later._

"Give me a Little Red Zoomer," Jak said before Torn had a chance to order.

Torn took a quick look at the list of cocktails behind the bar and saw the drink Jak had ordered. Torn gazed at the ingredients.

Oh dear.

Well, if Jak was planning on getting drunk that quickly then he definitely needed to stay partially sober in case the blonde needed someone to look after him.

Torn ordered something a lot less alcoholic than Jak's drink, and grimaced as Jak began to drink the concoction in front of him with a ridiculous amount of speed. Not once did getting drunk figure into Jak's plan for even a second, yet somehow he found himself clutching another Little Red Zoomer before he even remembered ordering it.

Torn winced once more as Jak downed his second drink as quickly as the first. Whatever Jak was trying to achieve, it didn't look healthy.

* * *

Jak noticed Torn looking at him and frowned. How many drinks had Torn had so far? That couldn't be his first, could it? Of course not. Jak had already had two. Wait a minute; hadn't they only been in the bar for a few minutes? Jak's mind seemed unable to provide him with an answer.

A third drink suddenly seemed like a very good idea. Jak didn't know what was prompting his decisions any more, but suddenly getting drunk didn't seem like such a bad idea after all. You didn't worry about things when you were drunk, like whether or not you were going to kill someone if you didn't keep yourself completely under control.

* * *

The bartender gave Jak a worried look as she handed over his third drink.

"Torn," Jak said as he watched the bartender's retreating form. "Don't you think the girl that serving us is really hot?"

Torn took another quick glance at the woman in question. She certainly was beautiful, but not as beautiful as other people in his immediate vicinity.

"I suppose so," Torn grudgingly admitted. He hoped Jak's purpose in inviting him out tonight wasn't so that they could go looking for potential girlfriends.

"When you were with Ashelin," Jak pulled himself away from his drink for long enough to say. "Did you love her, or was it just, you know, sex."

_Where in Mar's name did that come from?_ Torn wondered. Maybe that was it though. Maybe it was Jak's worries concerning Ashelin which had brought them here.

"I loved her," Torn said. "At least, I think I did. I don't know if she felt as strongly as I did about it."

Jak nodded, in some strange way knowing exactly what Torn meant. Everything was starting to get fuzzy now, and he was only half aware of himself when he asked his next question.

"So who is like, your perfect guy or girl then?" Jak asked.

So they _were_ out looking for women. Wait; Jak had said _guy_ or girl. Did that mean he suspected anything?

"Why?" Torn asked, hoping that Jak was drunk enough that he would reveal why they were in this bar.

"Because we need to get you laid," Jak said, laughing as he did so. "Preferably with the hottest chick in the universe, 'cause then you'll forget about me."

'…_forget about me…'_ Jak knew!

It was no wonder if he was as obvious about it as Ashelin seemed to think he was. The most painful part about the discovery was not that Jak knew, but that he was attempting to push Torn away. He wanted Torn to forget about him, which could only mean one thing; Jak didn't want a relationship.

_Perhaps I should get drunk…_ Torn thought sadly. _No,_ he told himself. Just because Jak knew did not mean that Torn would not still attempt to be a good friend. After all, Jak hadn't completely shunned him.

* * *

Jak's vision was beginning to get blurry, as were his thoughts. There was something; something important that he needed to remember or be doing, but for some reason his memory didn't seem to be working as well as it had only a couple of minutes ago.

He blinked a couple of times; trying to focus on the person he knew was sitting just a little way away from him. Torn's face came into focus, and Jak smiled.

Torn. Torn was nice, Jak thought. He liked Torn.

* * *

A smile appeared on Jak's face for no reason that Torn could work out, but he was glad it was there, even if it was only because Jak was by now, undoubtedly drunk. Torn began to realise why it was the drinks were called Little Red Zoomers; because they got you drunk _fast._

Jak's eyes shifted drunkenly to the bare dance floor behind them; a wicked gleam appearing in his eyes as he did so. Torn could tell the drinks had more than taken hold.

"Torn…" Jak murmured.

Torn had barely a second to wonder what could possibly be going through Jak's mind before he gelt an insistent hand tug on his own. Jak yanked Torn off the barstool and to his feet, dragging him onto the dance floor and away from the bar.

"Jak," Torn protested. "What are we doing?"

"Dancing," Jak answered. "'s been so long since I danced."

"I don't dance Jak," Torn objected, but his complaints fell on deaf ears. Jak continued to drag him out until they stood in the middle of the dance floor.

Torn wasn't sure what sort of dancing he expected, but it certainly wasn't this.

Jak's hands grabbed Torn's and pulled them down so that they rested comfortably around Jak's waist. Jak's hands then moved to wrap around Torn's neck.

This had to be the drink talking, Torn reasoned. This was only happening because Jak was drunk. There was nothing at all romantic about this situation.

Still, he couldn't help but dream.

The song changed just as Torn let his arms wrap a little tighter around Jak's waist. It wasn't the sort of song people would normally associate with slow dancing, but Torn couldn't imagine any other sort of dance that would fit it either. It wasn't a love song; not quite. It was more like a plea for comfort, for understanding, and for a life more complete.

Jak gazed into Torn's eyes, and Torn saw the exact same wish there. He was being asked for a type of love and comfort that he wasn't exactly sure he could give. He tried his best though, and let Jak's head rest against his shoulder.

Torn found himself singing the chorus very softly into Jak's ear, even though the lyrics weren't exactly the sort that would be much of a comfort. It seemed to be enough for Jak, who began nuzzling into Torn's neck; the alcohol having stripped away every ounce of control or emotional defence he had.

The song began to wind down, and Jak lifted his head off Torn's shoulder, looking into the taller man's eyes once more. Was that love or just the effects of alcohol he saw shining in Jak's eyes? Either way, there was still that pleading there, and Torn desperately wished he knew what to do to satisfy it.

There were no words to accompany the music anymore, just a soft thumping of percussion that Torn thought he felt echoed in his and Jak's heartbeats.

A split second of indecision registered on Jak's face, before Torn felt Jak's arms tighten around him. Jak pulled Torn's head down so that their lips met one another.

At first it was desperate; just Jak's lips pressing fiercely against his own, but then Torn opened his mouth a little, and began moving his lips slowly and lovingly against the younger male's, forcing Jak to be gentler.

Torn was just giving in the wonderful sensation when Jak's lips pulled away from his own. When his eyes fluttered open he saw Jak staring at him with the same hunger as before.

"Torn," Jak slurred. "I…"

That was all the blonde managed to say before the full effect of his three drinks took hold, and he passed out. His head flopped forward to rest on Torn's chest, and the older man was forced to take all of Jak's weight.

Torn just stood there for a moment, staring at the unconscious blonde in his arms. He had to get Jak back to the Naughty Ottsel so he could sleep this off.

It was going to be a long walk home.


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Yes, this story is finally back. Just a reminder that this story is yaoi; in other words male and male action. There's just one more chapter after this. For now, the aftermath…

**Chapter Five**

Jak knew there was a reason why his head was aching; it was just taking a few minutes for his brain to work out why. It had something to do with drinking, and Torn…

Torn! That thought woke Jak up rather quickly. He sat up quickly, before the pain in his head increased, telling him that what he had attempted wasn't a very good idea at all.

Torn. The very thought made Jak frown. Stupid, stupid Torn for being in love with him. Did the idiot have a death wish or something?

And yet, Jak felt as though he was missing something; an awfully big something at that. The entire night was a blur. He couldn't remember anything past sitting down at the bar. He was alone in his own bed, and fully dressed, which were always good signs.

Still, Jak couldn't help but feel as though he was forgetting something very important.

* * *

"You know, the point of last night was to get you drunk, not Jak," Daxter explained to a rather tired-looking, dreadlocked elf in front of him. 

"I figured as much," Torn grumbled. "Do I really want to know why?"

"I think I should leave the explanations to Jak," Daxter answered, just as his blonde friend entered the room, looking a little worse for wear.

"Jak," Torn said, immediately feeling flushed and just a little bit nervous around the younger man. The kiss replayed in Torn's mind with startling clarity. The older man knew he'd be lucky if he ever stopped being haunted by that particular memory.

Jak just groaned as he realised Torn didn't seem in the least bit hung-over.

"So, I take it you didn't get quite as trashed as I did?" Jak said with a half-grin as Daxter scurried up his arm and onto his shoulder.

"No," Torn answered, trying to avoid Jak's direct gaze.

"You didn't get any action then?" Jak asked.

"No!" Torn snapped. Did one drunken kiss count as action? Besides, Jak wouldn't have asked if had remembered that. "I was too busy hauling your drunken ass back here!"

Torn immediately regretted his harsh words. Jak looked crushed.

"Sorry," Torn mumbled.

Jak shrugged. "My head feels like it's about to split open," he commented. "What on earth did we do last night?"

Torn took a deep breath. This was the one question he had been dreading. Well, there was no point in making things more awkward than necessary.

"We… uh… danced," Torn said. Hey, he wasn't lying; just omitting certain truths.

"Danced?" Jak repeated, laughing a little at the thought. "I thought you didn't dance?"

"I don't usually," Torn admitted. "But you forced me out there."

Torn was blushing now. Jak couldn't remember ever seeing Torn blush before. It was kind of endearing really.

Not that he would let himself care for Torn. Of course not.

And yet…

* * *

"I am so frickin' confused right now!" Jak screamed. 

"I could have told you that," Daxter replied. "Seriously; you try to get rid of Torn's feelings for you by getting him drunk and then end up totally trashed yourself. That sounds like the actions of a confused man to me."

"I can't like Torn because, one," Jak said as he began to count off the reasons on his fingers, "I'm a guy and he's a guy. Two; I like Ashelin…"

"Since when have you liked Ashelin?" Daxter interrupted. "I thought you pulled away the last time she tried to kiss you."

"Three," Jak continued, ignoring his ottsel friend. "I could possibly kill him if I'm not careful. Four; he's my friend."

"Why are we counting the reasons you couldn't be in love with Torn?" Daxter interrupted again.

"Because I'm not!" Jak snapped. "I can't be."

"Fine then," was Daxter's answer, and it was accompanied by a devilish grin. "Let me help you then. Five; he's a jerk."

"What?" Jak questioned. "No he's not."

"Six; he's got that really annoying scratchy voice."

"What are you talking about? His voice isn't annoying at all."

"Seven; he's ugly."

"He's not ugly!"

"I thought you didn't like him."

"I don't."

"But you think he's hot."

"I didn't say… I just don't think he's ugly. That doesn't mean… Oh, so what if I do? It doesn't mean that I like him in _that_ way."

"Jak, you are very, very confused. Did you know that?"

* * *

It was dark; so very, very dark. The only sounds that reached Jak's ears were the gentle hiss of steam somewhere in the darkness, and the quiet beeping of the equipment around him. He knew the dark and painful machines that were there, even if he couldn't see them. 

Then, the pain came. It coursed throughout his body with the power of a thousand knives. He didn't scream though. He couldn't. Besides, this was nothing compared to what he knew was coming next.

Out of the darkness came a face he knew all too well. Every second of every day he hoped that this face would disappear, yet it returned every night to haunt him.

"Hello again Jak," Errol said, a wide smirk appearing on his face. "Did you miss me?"

Jak could feel rage building up inside of him just from looking at Errol's face.

"That's it Jak. Get angry. You know; once we're finished with you, you're going to be the ultimate killing machine. You won't even be able to go near anyone you care about anymore because they'll be too afraid of you."

Those words were no invention of Jak's subconscious mind. He had heard them, long ago, and their echo had been haunting him ever since.

Errol leaned in close to Jak's ear now, whispering more painful words.

"With good reason too. You'll be a monster, never able to love or be loved again. You'll spend the rest of your life all alone.Would you like to see what I mean?"

Jak felt just a little confused. This was a slight variation to what usually happened, and whatever it meant, it wasn't good.

"Bring him in," Errol commanded.

Within seconds a man had been dragged into the room by a pair of bodiless arms. It was Torn, and the dreadlocked man didn't seem to be struggling as much as he should have been. Instead, he fixed Jak with an incredibly gentle grin.

"That's right," Errol said, moving to Torn's side. "You've become rather attached to this one lately, haven't you?"

Jak wanted to scream. He was trying to, but if he was making any sound then neither he nor Errol could hear it.

"We're going to let you go now Jak," Errol said, the smirk on his face growing, "and you know what you're going to do?"

Suddenly he was back at Jak's side, whispering into his ear once more.

"You're going to rip him to pieces."

The next instant Jak was directly in front of Torn, without having taken any steps towards him that Jak could remember.

_I don't want to do this_, he thought. _I don't want to hurt Torn._

_I don't want to do this!_ he repeated, just as the first wound on Torn's body opened up, spraying blood all over their bodies.

_STOP IT! _Jak told himself._ STOP IT! I DON'T WANT THIS TO HAPPEN!_

Yet another blow and another rained down on Torn's body. A cruel laughter broke out then, and Jak didn't know whether it was Errol or himself. Blood sprayed everywhere. Jak knew there was no chance that Torn could survive this much blood loss.

His eyes were beginning to hurt from the tears he wanted to cry but knew that he couldn't. Yet his arms still struck at Torn, not listening to his mind's command for them to stop.

All the while, he wanted to scream…

Stop. STOP. STOP!

* * *

Jak sat up suddenly, having awoken from his nightmare. Sometime while he was asleep he had transformed into his darker self, and now there were tears in his bed sheets from his large claws. 

He fought back the dark eco, making it disappear inside of him. Tears sprang from his eyes as soon as he returned to his normal self.

He hadn't had a nightmare that graphic since his time in the prison. The image of Torn's pain-filled face came back vividly, and suddenly, all that Jak really wanted was to make sure Torn was all right.

He slid out of bed quietly, careful not to wake Daxter and Tess, who were curled up together in a bundle of sheets near the door.

Jak tiptoed across the hall to Torn's room and gently pushed open the door. Sure enough Torn was sound asleep and perfectly safe.

Torn looked uncharacteristically peaceful when he was asleep. At the moment he was facing the door; one arm flung over the side of the bed, the other tucked up close to his chest. A ghost of a smirk settled on his face as soon as Jak entered the room.

Jak found himself as out of control of his body's actions as he had been in his dream. His feet carried him over to the side of the bed, and made him kneel by Torn's side. There would be no bloodshed however.

Jak found himself grabbing Torn's outstretched hand in his own. A sob of relief erupted from Jak's throat before he could stop it. Torn frowned in his sleep for a moment, before his eyes fluttered open.

He regarded Jak with worry for a moment.

"Jak?" he whispered, his hand tightening around the blonde's as he spoke. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Jak whispered. "It was just a bad dream."

"Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah," Jak said, letting his still sleepy head rest against Torn's mattress. "I'm just glad you're all right."

With that Jak's eyes slid shut slowly, and he fell asleep with his head resting only inches away from Torn's chest, their hands intertwined.

* * *

Torn didn't mention anything to Jak when he woke the next morning to find the blonde had already left. Nor did he say anything a few days later, when almost exactly the same thing happened, nor the time after that. 

Jak never spoke about his nightmares, but from what Torn could gather, they involved his death. While these little visits to Torn's room at night continued, Jak seemed to be distancing himself from Torn during the day.

Torn set up a few of the challenges that had once formed the majority of his interactions with Jak, but the blonde didn't say a word as he completed them all far quicker than Torn would have thought possible. Neither of them noticed that half the people they knew were now looking at them differently.

Then one night Torn awoke to the sound of whimpering coming from across the hall. Another nightmare, he guessed, which meant that in a couple of minutes Jak would find his way into Torn's room and spend the rest of the night sleeping on his knees.

Torn quickly decided he would spare Jak the sore knees and headed across the hall towards Jak's room.

He opened Jak's door noiselessly. A quick scan of the room revealed that Daxter and Tess were out somewhere else, an occurrence which was beginning to become more and more common.

Jak was thrashing around in bed, tears streaming down his face, and mumbling words that Torn couldn't understand.

Torn sighed, his heart immediately going out to the younger man. He sat on the side of Jak's bed and placed a hand on the blonde's cheek.

Jak let out a particularly loud cry then, and pulled away from Torn's touch.

"Jak," Torn called softly. "Jak, it's me."

"Torn," Jak moaned quite audibly. "No…"

"Jak, it's all right," Torn whispered, leaning in closer to stroke the side of Jak's face. "Jak; it's just a nightmare. I'm fine."

The moaning disappeared now, and became a soft whimpering.

"It's all right," Torn repeated. "I'm here Jak."

Before he could really think about what he was doing, Torn closed the few centimetres between himself and Jak, and placed a feather-light kiss on Jak's forehead.

Suddenly, Torn felt the crackle of dark eco beneath him. Jak's eyes flew open, and Torn was faced with the black pools of light which were Dark's eyes. Then pain, which started at his stomach and spread throughout his whole body. He looked down to discover Jak's long claws embedded in his stomach.

All this happened in the instant that Torn's lips left Jak's.

Dark Jak looked shocked for a moment, before the darkness drained from Jak's face and he returned to normal. He stared at his blood-stained hands and then back up at Torn, who could still only manage a look of mute horror.

"Torn?" Jak whispered, just before Torn let his weight fall against Jak's chest.

"I'm sorry Jak," Torn whispered.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for," Jak sobbed. "You know I didn't mean it." He grabbed Torn in his arms and pulled him into his lap. "Sweet eco Torn. I didn't mean for this to happen. That's… that's a lot of blood. Torn, please. I didn't want this to happen. You were just there suddenly, and he said… Torn, please. Stay with me for just a little while longer. We'll get help…"

Jak knew he wasn't making much sense, but it didn't matter. All that mattered was that Torn was lying in his arms, bleeding to death, and that couldn't happen because Torn couldn't die. And yet here they were.

"Somebody help!" Jak screamed, but there was no-one to answer him. He returned to the bleeding body in his arms.

A strange sort of smile had settled on Torn's face, and it brightened as Torn reached up a hand to wipe away one of the tears that were running down Jak's cheeks.

"Torn," Jak whispered. "Please don't die."

Torn just continued to smile. His eyes were beginning to close now, and his breathing was becoming ragged.

"I…" Torn started, having a little trouble speaking. "I love… you… Jak. I love…"

With that his eyes closed.

"No…" Jak cried. "No, no, no, no, no. Torn, don't leave me. Torn, I love you too. Torn, don't go!"

He pulled Torn close to him then, letting the older man's head rest against his shoulder, not caring about the blood that was now covering his clothes and bed.

He didn't know how long he cried, but soon he felt it, like a gentle caressing in the back of his mind. The dampness of his tears on his cheeks soon evaporated, but Jak paid this strange phenomenon no heed. All that mattered was that Torn was gone. He had to get Torn back. He would do anything to get Torn back.

Jak didn't take any notice when his wings sprouted from his back, nor when white eco began to flow into his hands.

When he heard Torn gasp, however, he reeled back in shock. The white eco disappeared, and so, miraculously, had the gaping wounds in Torn's gut.

Torn's eyes had flown open, and now he stared at Jak in mute shock. Jak didn't know how to reply to the unspoken question in Torn's eyes.

What in Mar's name had just happened?

All Jak could do was hold onto Torn and weep, this time in relief.

"Jak," Torn said when he finally managed to speak. "What the hell just happened?"

It took a couple of seconds for Jak to stop enough that he could answer Torn's question.

"I'm not sure," he answered truthfully. "I think I transformed into Light Jak and healed you somehow."

"And before that?"

"I didn't mean to hurt you. I just…"

"Another nightmare?"

Jak nodded. "You know, this is why I didn't want you to get too close. I've been so afraid that something like this would happen."

The last thing Jak would have expected then was for Torn to laugh, but laugh he did, a small chuckle escaping his lips and making his whole body, which was sill laying in Jak's arms, shake gently.

"You're afraid that you'll hurt people, so you push them away?"

Jak nodded again.

"That is really screwed up Jak."

Jak raised an eyebrow at the tattooed man. How could Torn say something like that after what had just happened to him?

Torn sighed and shifted so that he was more comfortable.

"Everyone is going to die sooner or later Jak; sooner more often than later at the moment. I'd say nearly every soldier under my command has done something that ended up getting one of their comrades hurt, whether it was a misaimed shot, or simply not being in the right place at the right time. If they were to push away everyone they cared about, then this would be an incredibly lonely city.

"We're all going to die Jak. The trick is to make the most of whatever time we're given with those we care about, instead of worrying about when it's going to end."

Torn stopped, and stared down at the blood-stained clothes he was wearing. "I guess I'll go have a shower."

It was Jak's turn to chuckle now. "You almost get killed and then ten minutes later all you're worried about is getting the smell of blood off your body."

Torn winked at Jak as he stood up.

"This isn't my first near death experience," Torn said, "and man will I be surprised if it turns out to be my last."

Jak smiled to himself as Torn walked away.

"Torn," he called, just as the older man reached the doorway. "Thank you."

Torn just smiled in return.

Jak sat there once Torn had left the room, just thinking about the other man's words for a moment. Perhaps Torn was right.

Tomorrow, Jak was going to fix everything.


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: **Here it is; the last chapter. Thank you again to everyone who has been reading and/or reviewing. I may decide to continue this story in future, but it will be a long time before I do, so for now, this is the ending… or is that beginning?

**Chapter Six**

When Torn woke up the next morning it was difficult to think of the night's events as anything more than a dream. It still seemed only half real, but one glance at the new set of scars on his stomach and he knew that yes, certain things had happened last night,and theyhopefully meant that some things would be changing soon.

Changing for Torn though? He could only hope. Somehow, he doubted he would have anything to look forward to apart from seeing Jak smile a little more often, as he walked hand-in-hand with whoever he chose to get a little closer to.

But of course, Torn hadn't heard the five smallest, but most important words that Jak had said last night.

_I love you too Torn…

* * *

_

"Where's Jak?" Torn asked no-one in particular as he arrived downstairs to find the bar empty apart from Daxter, Tess and Jinx. In other words, it was quite a busy day for the Naughty Ottsel.

"He went to visit Ashelin," Jinx answered, before taking a long breath from his cigar.

So Ashelin was the lucky one. Well, that made sense, Torn thought as he sat down at an empty table. He supposed he should be happy for the both of them, but knew that would be difficult.

He would try though, for both of them.

* * *

"Has anyone seen Ashelin?" Jak asked as he arrived at what was still being referred to as Freedom HQ. Several people shook their heads, but one feminine voice answered.

"She said she was going to go visit Vin," Keira said.

"Vin?" Jak asked. "Why would she…?"

"I don't know," Keira answered. "All I know is that she told me she was going to visit Vin."

Jak was glad to realise that there was no bitterness or fear in Keira's voice.

"Thanks Keira," Jak said, as he turned to leave.

"No problem." There was a smile on Keira's face now, and it was genuine. It was good to know that even if he had no chance with the woman romantically, that there was at least some semblance of a friendship left between them. For some reason, however, Keira's smile didn't make Jak's heart flutter as it once would have.

* * *

"You know something?" Sig's deep voice said as soon as Jak had left the room. "I wonder if Torn knows what chilli pepper is up to."

"Why would Torn care?" Keira asked.

A few seconds and a very short explanation later, and the room was full of shocked looks. Everyone seemed too stunned to move, apart from a small, wrinkled old woman who sat in a corner and waved her arms about theatrically.

"Onin says," Pecker began, even though the shock still hadn't disappeared from his face. "That it is good news. It is good that they are finally together… Squawk! I can't believe I am saying this!"

"Well," Keira said, looking down at her feet. "If they're happy together…"

The room was suddenly very silent.

* * *

Indeed, it did appear that Ashelin was visiting Vin. She sat on the Power Centre floor, apparently deeply involved in whatever she was talking about with the large holographic head.

They both turned to stare as Jak entered the room.

"Hello Jak," Ashelin said, smiling at him warmly.

Vin just frowned.

"I came here to say…" Jak began, then stopped mid-sentence.

Jak had wanted to say so much to Ashelin. He had wanted to return her kiss, and tell her that he felt the same, but seeing her here, the idea didn't seem nearly as wonderful as it had in his head.

There was something missing here. He stared at Ashelin for a moment, hoping she could provide the answer. She was beautiful; so beautiful that any man in the world should have been happy with her, but his heart didn't skip a beat as it did when he used to look at Keira, or more recently when he looked at… Torn? Was that right? When he looked at Torn?

But that could only mean one thing.

_I love you too Torn_.

He had forgotten that he had said those words last night. There was so much else he had to remember and think about, but sure enough, he had told Torn he returned the older man's feelings, and he was pretty sure he meant it.

He took another look at Ashelin, who was still staring at him, waiting for him to do something other than stare at her, and smiled.

"I'm sorry Ashelin," Jak finally said. "I care for you. It's just that…"

"It's all right," Ashelin interrupted him. "I know about you and Torn."

"You do?"

"Yeah, and he cares about you a lot so," Ashelin paused, and stared off into the distance for a moment, before sighing, and turning her attention back to Jak. "Just look after one another, all right?"

There was a moment then, when Ashelin and Jak's eyes met. Both knew there was still so much that hadn't been said, and yet they both understood that words were so unnecessary. Perhaps, in another place, another lifetime, they might have had something more than this, but as it stood now, they were friends, and that was enough. They would still stand beside one another when the time came.

"Thanks Ashelin," Jak said, leaving Ashelin and Vin to their earlier conversation.

_Yes,_ Jak thought as he began the long journey back to the other side of the city. _Today, everything will be made right.

* * *

_

Jak's arrival at the Naughty Ottsel late that afternoon was announced by a loud swish of the automatic door.

"Jak," Torn greeted him. "How did your visit with Ashelin go?"

Jak didn't miss the innuendo in Torn's voice, and couldn't help but smile at it.

"Great actually." Jak didn't know whether or not he should be happy when a look of absolute disappointment appeared on Torn's face.

"I need to talk to you for a minute," Jak said.

Torn gestured at the empty seat opposite him.

"Alone," Jak said, nodding faintly back at the other occupants of the room.

"Okay."

* * *

"'Talk' my ass," Jinx commented once the two had disappeared from sight.

"Wait a minute!" Daxter said, walking off in the direction Jak and Torn had. "Since when has Jak done any important talking without me being there?"

Daxter was swiftly picked up and put back down on the nearest table top next to Tess.

"I wouldn't if I were you," Jinx warned him.

* * *

"All right," Torn said once Jak had dragged him into the older man's room. "You wanted to talk; now talk."

Torn wassilenced as Jak pressed his lips against the other man's. For a moment Torn was too stunned to do anything, then his eyes closed and he began to move his lips against the blonde's. There was nothing to interrupt this, no alcohol to blur their senses or erase this perfect moment from their memories, just two pairs of lips, dancing and pressing against one another in a way that made both men feel as though they had just been given a glance of heaven.

Jak felt Torn's hands wrap around his waist and pull him closer. Jak's hands reached up to tangle themselves in Torn's hair, and for a time immeasurable, the world stopped, so that all that existed for the two men was each other, and this beautiful, heavenly feeling.

After an eternity, which somehow still wasn't enough, they parted. Torn panted for a moment, before speaking.

"What about Ashelin?"

"What about her?" Jak asked, before pressing his lips to Torn's once more. Torn tried to protest, but that only lasted for the second that his brain wasn't completely overtaken of all reason by the fact that Jak's body and lips were pressed against his own in a way that was wonderful beyond belief.

"You're not drunk again, are you?" Torn asked when they eventually parted again.

"What?" Jak laughed, raising an eyebrow. "Why would you say that?"

"That's right," Torn sighed. "You don't remember what happened while you were drunk, do you?"

"No," Jak said, his eyebrows furrowing with concern. "Did you conveniently 'forget' to tell me something?"

"Perhaps," Torn said, smirking a little as he leaned forwards to whisper in Jak's ear. "I told you we danced, didn't I?"

"Yes," Jak answered quietly.

"Well," Torn continued, pausing to nip playfully at Jak's ear. "We danced like this."

He caught Jak's hands in his own, and placed them where they had been during the dance, before wrapping his own arms back around Jak's waist.

Jak frowned at Torn, obviously not believing what Torn was saying.

"Don't look at me like that," Torn protested. "You were the one that pulled me out there and made me dance like this." He sighed, and placed a gently kiss on Jak's forehead. "You don't know how difficult it was for me to hold you like this and not do anything."

Jak just smiled then, and let his head rest against Torn's shoulder, unknowingly mimicking his movements from the last time they had danced.

"You did that last time too," Torn commented.

They began to move then, as they had that night, slowly swaying and shuffling to the sound of music that no-one else would be able to hear.

Torn began whispering the words to a song that registered somewhere in the back of Jak's memory.

"_With all of this I feel now, with everything inside of my heart…"_

Jak lifted his head off Torn's shoulder once more, and stared into the older man's eyes.

"_It all just seems to be how_…"

Torn's song was silenced as Jak interrupted him, once again, by kissing him passionately.

Another break came, and this time, the words that came from Torn's mouth were as beautiful as they could be to Jak.

"I love you Jak."

"I love you too," Jak answered. "I'm an idiot for not realising it sooner."

"No you're not."

This time it was Torn who started the kiss, and it was a long, long time before their lips parted.

* * *

Ten minutes later Daxter and Tess stared wide-eyed at the closed door in front of them. The only sounds that were coming from behind Torn's door were a soft, deep moaning and a very quiet squeaking, which sounded as though it might have come from an old bed-spring or two.

"'Need to talk'. Right," Daxter muttered. "I knew something was up."

"Well, Jinx did warn us," Tess commented.

* * *

"Jak… more…" Torn moaned, attempting to wrap his body even tighter around the blonde's.

Jak tried his hardest to give Torn what he was asking for, even though he wasn't sure whether it was possible. There was no space between their bodies anymore. Neither could remember where their body ended and their lover's began.

Torn dared to open his eyes for a moment, but the sight of Jak's pleasure-stricken face above him was so beautiful and the pleasure so great that he had to close them again or risk going insane.

As one eternity stretched into two, and then all collapsed back into a couple of seconds, they shared a pleasure that made the earth move, and stars dance behind their eyes.

Jak collapsed on Torn's chest, panting. Torn's eyes were still closed, and his breathing was as ragged and uneven as Jak's. Very slowly their eyes opened and met one another's, causing them both to smile enthusiastically.

Neither of them needed to say anything. All that needed to be said already had been, either through words or with the loving look they gave one another.

Torn moved then, gently rolling from under Jak so that they lay facing one another. He wrapped his arms around Jak and pulled him closer, pacing one gentle kiss on Jak's forehead.

Jak sighed in contentment and nuzzled into Torn's neck.

There would be no nightmares this night.


End file.
